There once was a clever old Scot,
who put all his pounds in a pot.
At the end of his live
they belonged to his wife
but to show her the pot he forgot!
There once was a man from Istanbul
Who discovered red spots on his tool
He went to the Doc,
Who looked at his cock
and said: wipe off that lipstick you fool!
A pretty young maiden from France
Decided she'd "just take a chance."
She let herself go
For an hour or so
And now all her sisters are aunts.
There was an old pirate named Bates
Who was learning to rumba on skates.
He fell on his cutlass
Which rendered him nutless
And practically useless on dates.
There was an old man of Lyme,
who married three wives at a time.
When asked: "Why the third?"
He replied: "One's absurd,
And bigamy, sir, is a crime."
There was a young lady named Bright,
whose speed was much faster than light.
She set off one day
in a relative way,
and returned the previous night.
There was a young man of South Bay
making fireworks one summer day.
He dropped his cigar
in the gunpowder jar:
there was an young man of South Bay.
An epicure, dining at Crewe,
found quite a large mouse in his stew,
said the waiter, "Don't shout,
and wave it about,
or the rest will be wanting one, too!
There was a young lady of Thrace
whose nose spread all over her face;
She had very few kisses,
and the reason for this is:
there was'nt a suitable place.
There once was a maiden of Siam
who said to her lover, young Kiam:
"If you kiss me, of course
you will have to use force,
but God knows you're stronger than I am."
There was a young lady from Lynn,
who was so excessively thin,
that when she essayed
to drink lemonade
She slipped through the straw and fell in.
There was a young man of Devices
whose ears were different sizes
the one that was small
was no use at all,
but the other took several prizes.
A sensitive girl named Peel
once went up in a big Ferris wheel,
but when halfway around
she looked at the ground,
and it cost her a two-dollar meal.
Said an ape as he swung by his tail
to his children both female and male:
"From your offspring, my dears,
in a couple of years,
may evolve a professor at yale!"
There was a young lady of Niger,
who smiled as she rode on a tiger;
they came back from the ride
with the lady inside
and the smile on the face of the tiger.
There once was a man from Nantucket
who kept all his cash in a bucket,
but his daughter named Nan
ran away with a man
and as for the bucket - Nantucket.
A new servant maid named Maria
had trouble in lighting the fire.
The wood being green
she used gasoline...
Her position by now is much higher.
An Arab-sheik called Abdullah Bin Sharum
had twentyfour wives in his harum.
When his Arab Steed died,
"Mighty Allah!", he cried,
"Take some of my wives, I can spare Žem..."